Good Enough

I’ll make a confession, we’re not so good at remembering to pay bills around here.

Mr.Good runs a company of his own and is very good at paying THOSE bills, but when it comes time to pay our everyday bills for the home he procrastinates.

I don’t mind. It makes life a fun little adventure. I never know when the phones, Internet, or cable will shut down. So far the electricity hasn’t failed us.

So the other day when cable failed yet again I decided not to harass him to pay the bill. We will pay what we owe, but I wondered what life would be like without TV.

It’s been 2 days. I hesitated to discuss  my idea with Mr. Good. I thought I might get such down right away. I am addicted to TV. Especially recently with all this NURSING business going on I’ve had it on for a least 12 hours a day. I don’t like feeling addicted to anything. I have a strange fear of pain medication for this very reason, and I never touched a drug or drink during my Highschool years with the same paranoia.

I love Television. Especially the Reality genre.

I love Baby Story. Baby Diaries, John and Kate Plus 8, Tori and Dean Home Sweet Hollywood. Miami Ink, LA Ink, Say Yes to the Dress, Bridezilla’s,The Hills, any weird medical story on Discovery Health, and National Geographic. I love The Colbert Report, Chelsea Lately, and Talk Soup.

I love The Office, So You Think You Can Dance, America’s Next Top Model, and Dexter.

People, I love it all, I love it too much. And I’m ready to start a new phase in my life. I’m no longer going to be dependant on TV. I don’t need it, I’m not confined to the horizontal position because I’m no longer pregnant. I’m feeling more energetic with each day.

Mr.Good has agreed he doesn’t need it either, that’s the amazing part. He doesn’t even care about the SPORTS he’ll be missing. I was shocked about that.

So we’re saying goodbye to Cable. We’ll be spending that money on Missy’s preschool year. My kids will no longer be able to watch a commercial and say “I want that.” Which is a relief.

Now I’m NOT saying goodbye to Netflix, nor are we selling our Xbox, but I’m hoping this cuts down on all the times I flipped it on for an easy out with the kids.

I’ll let you know how it goes.

I had weird scary dream about getting a bikini wax. If you’ve ever gotten one, maybe you know why I label it as a nightmare.  It’s one of those experiences I don’t necessarily want to put myself through again.

On the other hand look at what I found in my inbox this morning…much better than a cup of coffee, in my opinion!

Enjoy it ladies. I’ll be there on opening night for sure. WHO’S WITH ME?

It was over six years ago that I held my first baby. I remember it hitting me so clearly in a way I could never comprehend before I had children…As I looked down at my beautiful baby boy the weight of the world came crashing down around my shoulders. I then realized what I had done to myself someone that I loved so deeply that I now couldn’t imagine life without him. With that realization came some fears that I had never before comprehended.

I was almost angry with myself when I realized that if some thing horrible ever happened to my son, it would be earth shattering. The thought was overwhelming. And honestly it made me rethink having anymore children.

In life there is balance in all things, and this new love that I had never felt before came new worries that as a brand new mom I almost couldn’t handle. What if he got sick? What if it was some thing terminal? What if he was kidnapped? Selfishly I wondered if it was smart of me to create some thing so precious that it would nearly kill me to have him taken away.

I’m a fatalist deep down inside, like my Grandmother. She’s been saying for the past five years that this is her last Christmas, or birthday, or it’s probably the last time she’ll get to visit with us before she passes on. Grandma is still going strong. Whether she likes it or not, she will be around for the next few great-grandchildren.

I watched a movie with my girls last night that reminded me of my little families mortality…which is really what brought about this post. I couldn’t help thinking throughout the movie what would happen to us if my husband died…my first thoughts were… “I don’t want to be out in the dating scene again!”  What would I put in my bio line? “I am now a widow with four children…will someone come swoop in and rescue us?”  That came because I’ve been searching for my little bro. And then other thoughts like, “there will never be anyone good enough to take his place.” Thinking about my husband and how absolutely perfect he is. Then my thoughts wandered to my children. I pictured all of their beautiful faces, and the pain they would hold if they ever lost their father, or me, or each-other.

I thought about mortality. With each child we bring into this family, it adds a new dimension. The love deepens. It’s a love that only parents know, we get to be in this special club with this intense emotion wrapped up in the package. I love my husband, I love him fiercely. But we would never know how intense love could be until we took that leap of faith and added a child into the mix.

I can’t help questioning my sanity sometimes as I look at my children and think about the new one coming, why did I do this to myself? I will have four precious jewels that can never be replaced and are extremely fragile. Am I crazy for adding one more into my life that will probably add more pain and worry then someone in their right mind could handle. Maybe I am. But I realize that there is balance in all things. With another child comes even more love and more joy then I can ever put into words. I know you people feel me on this one. If I let my fears of death and pain stop me from creating what I have in my life now, I would have never known such happiness. It’s so worth it.  

My husband said said it right, after I relayed the story. “So you had Beattlemania?”

In so many words, Mr.Good. Only I think it’s SoYouThinkYouCanDancemania!

Thanks to an amazing birthday gift from my little sister. Check out the link because I write in full detail at Seattle Mom Blogs!

So I think I’ve mentioned, (and if I haven’t shame on me)  the little but growing bigger every day community that we started after BlogHer. It is Seattle Mom Blogs, and although most of you are not from the Northwest I’m going to be writing a column for them called Northwest Night Lights. I’m more than just a little excited about this! 

People, do you realize what this means? This means concerts, theatre, little dives, and great bands! I am more than excited to do the research that this column will require. So even if you aren’t from these parts, I know music is universal, and who knows maybe you’ll be inspired to start venturing out yourself! So please join me in my upcoming adventures.   

I would have written yesterday but I just received a copy of this months book club book. Book club is today, so you see, yesterday I was committed to reading it in it’s entirety. Well worth it. I loved the book and it didn’t take me long. My house work didn’t even suffer! I’m looking forward to book club, I really love the women that come. But I swear, if I hear that someone was an English major when they’re trying to make a point I’m going TO BARF! Do you know what I mean? Do you have those 3 English Majors in your group? All very nice ladies, but CHILL OUT ABOUT IT tonight. I just can’t handle it with the dark mood that I’m in.

Oh, it’s REAL…and it happens to all of us that are wrapped up in the semi-real drama and magic that is reality TV.

It happened to me last night. Adrenaline was pumping as I settled down with some girlfriends to watch the series finale of So You Think You Can Dance!

It was all the magic my crowd hoped for…each of us had our favorite dances of the season, they were all numbers that were picked by various judges to be performed again on that final night.

One by one the final four contestants were cut during this 2 hour episode. With each cut I felt more nervous for my little champion. A girl named Sabra. She is lovely and humble and extremely talented. Everything I could want in a dance hero.

So after all the teasers and anticipation it came down to her, and another amazing talent named Danny. Danny is technical perfection. He is tall and gorgeous and possesses the ability to move in a way that is unearthly. I just couldn’t help rooting for Sabra.  There were qualities about her that went beyond dance. I hoped but couldn’t quite imagine her winning over Danny.

My possee felt the same way.

When the host announced the winner at first I wasn’t sure I heard right. But then cheers erupted all around me, and I joined in. You would have thought she was a family member. Amidst the hugs and gasps and cheers my friend yelled out “I’m so bored now!”

It hit me at that moment and I realized what she was saying. What do we do now? We have invested our summer’s emotion on these people. They have been in our living rooms two nights a week for the past 4 months. And that was it? What…there’s no “follow up” show, no recap? NOTHING. I won’t see them again. I’ll have to wait till next season to even see if they let me in on what’s happened to any of my dancers.

I ‘ve come down off my little reality mania and now I’m depressed. I want more! I want to see what’s next for everyone! But there’s nothing there. This may be the new mental illness of our century.

I think I’m going to need therapy.

The first week down here was a little rough, to say the least. We were sunburned, missing Daddy, Grandpa went to the hospital and Grandma, of course, went with him. My best friends were on vacation. It was just mom and kidlets. Not so much fun.

To illustrate…here are my children

If you are wondering what they are up to sitting in this sad little gutter by the road…

That’s right folks. We are having a SNAIL RACE! Very exciting.

Things have become progressively better as the weeks wear on. Friends came back from vacation. Grandpa and Grandma are home from the hospital and Grandpa’s in good health now.

This is how we’re rolling now…

YEAH BABY!

15 days left…

Heather kindly reminded me that I am not a military wife, and also that I need to wear deodorant. As for the first suggestion…thank you for sobering reminder. I don’t think I have the stamina of the brave men and women with spouses that go through those extended periods of leave. I think that takes a special kind of person. I’ve openly admitted I’m a wimp. Therefore I am not one of them.

As for the deodorant…believe me, I’m trying. The last thing I need right now is to get sick of myself. I’m all I’ve got! In fact, I need to start treating me better! I’ve discovered what a great date I am for myself. Tuesday night I dropped by the local video store and rented myself 5 movies! I didn’t even complain that they were all chick flicks. When I wanted to stay up a little later than usual and watch all the extras on the DVD, and then play the movie back with commentary, I even stayed awake to keep myself company!

I’ve decided this is the perfect time to rent those movies that Mr.Good would appreciate me watching WITHOUT him. You women know what I’m saying. So here’s what I’m watching..

Step Up…yes I know this came out ages ago, but I could NOT bring myself to waste a date night on this one…I watched it through once, ready to hate it, ready to spot the stunt doubles dancing for the actors. The acting wasn’t award winning, but it was pleasant to watch, and when I watched all the extras on the DVD and how they choreographed it and that the dancers were really dancing, I was much more impressed. To be honest. I think I’m going to buy this movie. There are certain parts that I could watch a hundred times. I’m kind of a sucker for dancing movies. Loved it. I think I’ll watch it again before returning it.

The Perfect Man…this is a Hillary Duff movie. You can guess that this is sorely admitted by me. I’m a sucker for Hillary Duff! She’s a cute and seemingly sweet enough young lady, and I did not regret renting this movie. It was simple, predictable, and everyone is happy in the end. Sometimes that’s just what I need. I wouldn’t buy this one though. It’s only good for a one time viewing.

I’m seriously thinking of viewing a movie a night until Mr.Good flies back to rescue me…anymore suggestions? I have three more that I’m going to watch before I return to the video store.

So before I even OPEN this book that is laying on my couch…that half the world is obsessed with, and so I grudgingly admit that I am obsessed as well…as you shall see when MY story unfolds…

We actually had a REAL date tonight. My sweet man turned 30 last week. On his birthday I was puking, along with 2 of our children. He kindly took care of us. So tonight I pleaded with the family to babysit.  We had dinner, a movie, and all night to wait in line for this book.

We went, we ate, we saw a lame movie, and then got in our car and rounded the corner to the book store. We spied the line, we saw the weirdo’s. We decided to try our luck at Safeway. We were about 15 minutes away. We called. They said “we close our doors at 1:00 am” We looked at the cell phone clock…8 minutes. “No problem” said my husband. 

With ninja like reflexes he drove through the heavily wooded forest to the outskirts of town, where the Safeway stood waiting…lights blazing and doors…LOCKED!

“What! IT’s 12:58! 12:58!” I screamed meniacly, pounding on the glass doors. I caught a glimpse of myself in the store monitor. Not pretty. I could see the small town newspaper headline. “Crazed Harry Potter Fan Throws a Fit!” I called the store.

And annoyingly calm voice answered the phone. The very same annoyingly calm voice that told us to hurry because the doors closed promptly at 1am. “You said 1!” I cried, trying to sound as intimidating as possible. “You said to be here before 1 and we were here at 12:58. You closed early.”

“I’m sorry but once the doors close, only the night manager can open them again.”

“Where is the night manager? Let me talk to her.”

“She’s stocking the floor right now. Our tills are closed.”

“I used to work at Safeway. I know she can open the doors. I know she can open the tills.” The bantering went on like this for what seemed like an eternity.

This is what I hear her say in a hushed voice away from the phone…”she’s still outside…she’s very angry.”

“YOU’RE RIGHT I’M ANGRY! THE CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS RIGHT! AND YOU CLOSED EARLY!!”

“We are open at 5am and we have plenty of books.”

“We don’t want them at 5 am…we want them now! It’s my husband’s 30 birthday…we have three little kids at home. We RARELY get a babysitter. We rushed here from the other side of town instead of staying at that book store…waiting in line…with the TRUE fans and all because YOU said you closed at 1am. ”

“I’m really sorry.”

“Yeah, not as sorry as I am. I don’t think I will be able to patronize your establishment again. And I shall slander your name ACROSS the blogosphere to my WHOLE 10 READERS! YOU’LL NEVER WORK IN THIS SMALL TOWN AGAIN.  Of course I’ll shop here only if I REALLY need something. Goodbye! Not even GOOD! Just BYE!”

Boy did I let her have it.

Why do I have a book you’re wondering? Because we drove back up through the dense forrest and saw a light shining through the trees in the form of a Quality Food Center. They welcomed me in with open arms, dried my tears, handed me TWO copies of the book so my sweetie and I wouldn’t fight over them, and directed me to the diapers.

I loved them.

HAPPY READING EVERYBODY!