Mar 7th, 2008
I never dreamed we’d have this issue.
My eyes are slightly puffy this morning…the kind of puffiness that exists after a girl has had a good cry the night before.
I took Buster to have a check up yesterday, his last was 2 1/2 years ago before we left California. I had a lot on my mind with him. He has issue’s at school, nothing I thought was too out of the ordinary. His teacher worried about his hearing because she could be right next to him talking and get no response.
I know better. The kid has an amazing ability to tune us out. He’s a dreamer. Sometimes a trouble maker. But he is intelligent and though I’ve had extra work to do with him at home, he’s progressing through his first grade year at an average speed.
Buster has always been a bigger child. He was born at 10lbs and though he was exclusively on momma’s milk, he gained a pound a week for the first few months of his life.
His height was always in the 75% and his weight was in the 95%. Consistently. He was stocky, like his Dad. Nothing out of the ordinary.
I don’t know when it happened. It crept up on me. They checked his height and weight, and then the doctor said the words that sent me spiraling into panic. “Your son is considered to be obese.”
Obese? What happened to stocky? What happened to “he’s just a bigger kid, he’ll grow out of it.” He’s obese.
I feel like a failure.
I have never had a weight problem in my life. No one in my immediate family is obese. We all have a healthy relationship with food. We eat to live in my family. As children, food was never a big deal. Mom made the meals, we ate them, or complained and were forced to eat them.
I remember the first five years of my life consisted of three meals. The same every day because we couldn’t afford much else…oatmeal, pb and j, and chili. That’s what we ate almost every day.
Mr.Good’s family does have problems. Both his parents are morbidly obese. They both have type 2 diabetes. His dad has rheumitoid arthritis. His oldre brother and sister are obese. His other sister constatly battle the bulge but manages to stay fit. Mr. Good is sotcky. I feed him healthy food. I don’t buy ice cream very often. It’s his family down fall. He plays basketball twice a week. He builds kitchens and cabinets for a living. My husband is healthy.
So how did this happen to my Buster? He’s a part of me. Doesn’t that count for something?
Every question the doctor asked was answered honestly.
“What do you eat for dinner?”
“Last night was couscous and pork loin. Buster tried the couscous. He didn’t like it. The night before was grilled chicken and cabbage salad.”
“What is usually for lunch?”
“I pack a turkey sandwich, or pb and j. A yogurt, a fruit. Sometimes a little handful of kettle chips or crackers.”
“Breakfast?”
“Mostly cold cereal. Frosted mini-wheats. Cheerios. Once or twice a week I make pancakes or scrambled eggs. Sometimes he just has English muffins.”
“Does he snack?”
“Yes they still have snack in first grade. Usually just crackers or a granola bar.”
“Well it could be what he’s drinking?”
“We hardly ever have soda. (another item Mr.Good grew up on and loves.) Only on special occasions. And I don’t buy juice unless someone is sick.”
“It sounds like you are doing everything right. We’ll take a blood sample and check his thyroid and glucose levels. And here is the number for a good nutritionist.”
Okay. We’re doing everything right. But I can’t help but think back to every time he’s had fast food. Though it is not often, maybe it should have been never. What about the times I could bring myself to make dinner and I ordered pizza? Was I gradually adding on the pounds without knowing it? While the rest of the world can occasionally partake, I feel like my son must be denied these things indefinately. Meanwhile, my other children are average size, my daughter is on the smaller side. I was sent to the nutritionist once because she was under weight.
The doctor said there is not much else we can do, except bump up his activity level. They don’t want children losing weight at this age. Their hope is that he can just maintain, and then grow out of it when he goes through puberty.
So my son is to remain obese through his childhood years. That’s a long time. He’s only 6. Somewhere along the way I have failed my son. I am his mother, I am his nutritionist. His personal physician. I didn’t do my job well. I’m crushed at this point. But I don’t want him to see it. I don’t want him to know how incredibly scared I am for him. I don’t want him to have THIS struggle in life. There are so many extra challenges he will have to face. My Buster.
Good Enough
You’re not a failure, Eve. Some young kids just tend towards stockiness. You’re feeding him well, you’re concerned about him, he’s smart. You are doing things right. He’ll grow out of it. You’ll see. He is, after all, only 6.
Don’t beat yourself up about it. I knew someone larger at that age who with healthy eating just grew out of it and is a stick now. Just set the good example without pressure (to rebel against-like I did….). I think he’ll grow up and out of it, too. Hang in there!
Ugh, I hate that word obese, especially when dealing with children. My 13 y/o had a weight problem starting at around 9. We didn’t restrict his food or make a big deal out of it. However, he decided that he didn’t like his body so he started making healthy changes and has gotten himself to a healthy weight and we are all better eaters since we wanted to support his decision.
PLEASE don’t beat yourself up over this. He will probably start growing taller and eventually grow out of it. Could you enroll him in some sports, like t-ball or soccer? That might help too.
What do they consider obese now anyway?
Eve,
You are not a failure - come on!! You feed him like we all feed our kids - it’s just his metabolism can’t handle the diet of an average kid. But there are so many ways to make him “think” he’s eating like a kid - it will just take time to learn what works. You are a wonderful, smart, mother and you will figure it all out in time. Meanwhile, just do what your doing - and up his activity. We all know it’s not your mothering!! For goodness sake!!
[…] I cried about my first born last Thursday. Today I wake up to a mean e-mail in my inbox that left me crying all morning, […]
You are going to make me cry too.
Wyatt was almost 10 pounds at birth and has consistently remained in the 75-95% for his height and weight. He has always been one of the tallest kids in his grade, always in the back row of the school photo (and my oldest is in the front and my last is in the middle). Each year at his check-ups, our pediatrician proclaims him healthy but I’m always waiting for the other shoe to drop. I do pack a healthy lunch, fix good meals, etc. but I am not going to sit here and say that what I let my kids put into their mouths is ALWAYS 100% healthy. We eat out. We eat ice cream (my tummy size is proof of that). We don’t do this all the time, but enough to make me cringe.
Wyatt is naturally drawn to unhealthy foods, I don’t know why. His brother will have seconds on veggies, grab raw tomatoes and eat them like candy - while Wyatt wants chips. So I don’t buy them, most of the time. He wants sweets like me, so we don’t eat them, most of the time. You get the picture.
And I always remind him that if he wants a snack, he should have fruit, or veggies, or some yogurt. And I TRY to do this without making a big deal out of it, because even boys can develop eating issues, disorders, etc. And I know I was denied food and this is part of my bad relationship with it as an adult. I don’t let the kids drink soda or excessive amounts of juice (special occassions aside). They are all active and their video game and tv time is limited.
I’m sorry to ramble, but I want you to know that I understand how you feel. I would be more concerned if, like you, there were family health problems coming into play as well. I think the blood tests to make sure that everything is functioning the right way is a good thing. But if everything is normal, and you’re not eating at McDonald’s every day, and he’s active, than you have to let it be. He WILL be fine. He may grow out of it. He may always be taller, stockier, bigger. It IS okay, as long as he is healthy.
You are doing a good job.
I’m not a woman so maybe I shouldn’t be reading this…LOL I found this by accident while checking for my blog ranksing online, ……………….but I wouldn’t worry so much, instead try and help your child find a sport they enjoy, and the fun and work of that sport will cause them to out grow this problem. The answer is simple.
You have a growning child,that needs food, but find a different outlet such as sports , it can be anything,and it will change his life around.
Thanks Jordan Rivers
Visit my blog if you wish to….sorry if I jumped into a ladies blog, but I was involved in sports at one time and competed in Track,so I do know sports can change this around.
http://jordanriversguitarforum.blogspot.com/