Feb 22nd, 2008
Teaching Sibling Unity
Easier said then done…coming from a six-sibling family I have witnessed this first hand. Growing up we fought with each-other fiercely. My parents were always pleading with us to get along, and were baffled as to why we were constantly at one another. My parents were blessed with 6 strong willed, sass-mouthed, prideful personalities. We fought over the silliest objects for the sake of winning. And as we grew, we argued for the sake of arguing. We loved a good debate in my house. I have to say that life wasn’t a constant battleground. There were times we played very nicely together. My Little Ponies were horses to my brother’s G.I.Joe’s. We built forts together. We played Indians. I remember playing with my two brothers with fondness
Looking back I chalk up the contention to a couple of reasons.
1.) As I said before, we were all strong willed. There is not one passive, humble child in our bunch. I think my parents just lucked out.
2.) My parents both came from relatively quiet homes where it just didn’t happen like that. I don’t think they knew what to do with us, and so instead of preventative measures they dealt with the fighting when it happened.
Bless them. They really did try. We had plenty of family togetherness and quality time…but I somehow wonder if things would have been different had they tried another tactic.
I feel growing up as I did gives me the upper hand on my children. While I realize that all siblings argue and fight, I hope I can teach my children the value of their relationships with each other at an early age. I regret that I didn’t know what an asset my brothers and sisters would be to me as I grew and moved on with life. And now, although I know we all love each other, it just isn’t as good as it could have been if we built a strong foundation at a younger age.
I don’t claim to know it all…As we speak both boys are in time-out for their first big fight. Granted there have been arguements, some little accidental damages, and of course the 2 year old trying to abuse the older siblings, but they take it in stride for the most part.
Today was different…as we are nearing the end of our mid-winter break the children have been subjected to each other for longer amounts of time. There is no preschool, first grade, or Mommy and Me music class to break up the day with our family. My children have been together 24/7 this week. There was a discrepancy over who could play what part of the piano. Then Bubba bit Buster with intent to break skin. It hurt Buster and caught him by surprise and he punched Bubba in the head. (I must admit being bitten does cause immediate hitting reflexes.) Never-the-less, both were sent off to their various “time-out” spots. When reunited the brothers threw their arms around one another, shouting words of apology and were back to their jolly good selves.
I don’t think a time-out will prevent fighting in the future.
I think I am overly conscious about the dynamic between my children. I have three younger sisters that sometimes felt left out in what us older children were doing. I already notice that my older two exclude the youngest, climbing to places they know he can’t get to, or making him be the villain of the game when they get to be hero’s. I discourage this. I know Bubba wants to be included in their games but he often gets frustrated and comes and hangs out with me instead. 
I find myself intervening often. Helping them choose different characters for Bubba to make him feel good. I teach Buster to lose every so often to the young ones, to build their confidence and teach him that sacrificing for the team can be a sweet thing. When they have their fights, hugging and saying sorry is a must, aswell as the allotted time for “self-reflection.” If they are playing and one gets hurt, I encourage the others to check on the hurt sibling (instead of only mom doing it) and ask if they’re okay. When one of my children tattles on another for a harmless prank I find myself a little disappointed. “Don’t you want to stick up for your brother?” I’ll ask. In my house tattling is not tolerated, unless someone or something will be harmed.
I know it sounds like fluff. And it doesn’t always work, and there is some nagging involved… I know only time will tell if my little theories work out. I love my family. I love that my children have each-other. I hope they realize sooner than later how lucky they are. Maybe we can spend less time fighting, and more time laughing in my home
Your thoughts on the subject are appreciated.
All I can do is hold my breath and hope it works.
Good Enough
