Jan 4th, 2008
As I eat my breakfast sausage
Hello!?
Are you still there?
Sigh. Why is it that we forget? And forget so quickly, the torments of pregnancy.
I don’t remember feeling this sad with the last one. I was blaming the weather. I’ve never been pregnant in the Northwest.
My husband assures me that indeed I was this emotional, this exhausted with the last one.
“Yes you cried just as often.” He told me. “Yes you were this tired.”
“I know I was this tired.” I snapped. “But really? Did I feel this hopeless?”
“Yes.”
Why do we forget how it was? I’ve been freaking out. I know all about PPD. But what about PD. Partum Depression. I’m much happier after I get the baby out of my womb and into my arms. I know I shouldn’t even complain. It’s not like I’m puking. Some poor women are throwing up their entire pregnancies. Some have back problems. Some get carpal tunnel and can’t sleep at night because of bad circulation. Some are confined to bed rest. Some have fertility problems and just getting pregnant is a struggle. Then there are those that must find their children through adoption.
I’m pregnant.
Why am I hating this so much.
I guess anything as wonderful as a child takes sacrifice.
My children bring me so much joy, I can’t even put into words how blessed I am and how excited I am to add another to my rockin’ family. That’s what I’m clinging too.
Because I’m so sad, tired and pathetic right now.
Good Enough
I went through something very similar with my last pregnancy… I struggled and struggled and felt horridly guilty because I didn’t want to be pregnant. I wanted the baby, but I didn’t want to have to go through 9 months of emotional craziness to get it. I’m sorry you’re struggling. I hope you’re able to get some rest and find something that will help you feel better…
Sorry you’re having a rough time. But I know you are not alone. I hated every single moment of my pregnancy. But I adore my baby. Some of us just dont respond well to the hormones and turmoil going on.
Thank goodness they make it all worth it when they finally do show up!
Hang in there. It’s almost over. You’ve done this before, and you got through it each time. Just keep focused on the joy that is to come.
I found you through Isabel over at Hola, Isabel…and can I just say? Yes.
I’m pregnant with our second child now, and I’m completely miserable. I’ve been sick every day for 16 weeks. I’ve had a bladder infection, a UTI, a sinus infection, a stomach virus, and 3 head colds.
Tonight, in the midst of all the mucus that’s swallowing my brain I looked at my husband and just said I wasn’t sure I could do it anymore.
I loved my first pregnancy so much. SO MUCH! I couldn’t wait to do it again, it would all be so wonderful! And it’s turned out to be so NOT. And it breaks my heart. Because right now I can’t find the happiness of looking forward to holding a new, squishy, warm baby in my arm. All I can think of is the misery the next 5 months might bring and the sleepless nights and the screaming and the guilt.
Anyhoo. This isn’t about me, suddenly I seem to have hijacked your comments (sorry!). I just wanted to say that coming across this post tonight really struck me. I identify with the hormones and the KRAYZEE and thanks for sharing.
I am 18 weeks along and I’ve been waiting for that awesome second trimester energy boost since the trimester started. I told this to my boyfriend the other night who laughed at me and asked “What second trimester energy boost?” apparently I’ve never been blessed with that. I had to look through the baby journals to confirm that I indeed imagined this boost and me hanging out.
Still, I feel positive, but physically crappy. Always tired and always crying over something. If I can’t find my shoe, the world ends.
It will get better.
[…] then, the other night I read this post. And I cried some more. Because it’s how I feel. Totally. And I hijacked the comments by […]
I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. It’s all worth it in the end. Keep your eye on the prize!
Oh Eve…I’m sorry to hear that you are feeling so hopeless. I wouldn’t write off it being the weather’s fault just yet. I miss the sun so much!
Good luck with the rest of the pregnancy. It will get better the further along you are, right?
It is really hard to be pregnant in the winter. It is dark earlier, you can’t get out as much as you do in the summer. It’s a normal time for depression, surely it is that much worse when pregnant.