Good Enough

I’ve always loved a good movie or story about a strong female that can take care of herself. It’s nice when the male she is involved with rescue’s her, but if he’s getting pummeled by 7 ninja’s, I don’t want to see her standing to the side screaming.

I try to emulate these females in my own life. For instance; No Doubt Concert 1997, my little brother (who is not so small) got into a fight in the mosh pit with some military boy. Who was there to jump the guy from behind and gouge out his eyes thus preventing him from taking a swing at little bro? That’s right, yours truly.

Early last December, on a Thursday evening, Western Washington was hit with a gnarly wind storm. 60-80mph  winds swept through my little town. I thought my old house would blow apart. I thought a tree would come crashing through my children’s window and crush them in their beds. Too make matters worse Mr. Good was ill. I was scared because when he gets ill like he was on this night, he can’t keep anything down and we’ve had to take him to the hospital for dehydration. Not to mention the fact that I was fearing for our lives and I needed my husband to be coherent. 

I called my little sister, she lives less than a mile away. She was home alone, her husband was out of town. While describing my situation she mentioned she had some medicine that I could come and get, that would stop his nausea. I felt like the blind girl in ”The Village“. Ever seen that one? I love that movie. In the movie her one true love was stabbed, he was dying. He needed “medicines” from the town. No one had left the village before, and she had to brave the forest and the monsters that inhabited it to save her love. 

I put on my coat and headed out to my trusty steed…my minivan. Now by this time the town had lost all power. It was eerily quiet outside, and pitch black. Every once and awhile another huge gust of wind would sweep through the countryside.  I didn’t feel particulalry nervous about getting to my sister’s house. As I mentioned she lives less than a mile away, but as I approached the last turn to her house my way was barred by three evergreen trees that had fallen across the road. As I drove closer I saw that a power line was also under the trees. People were standing on the sidewalk watching me. I’m sure they thought I was crazy trying to drive around. But my husband NEEDED MEDICINES! FROM THE TOWN!

I was undeterred. I would get there if I had to walk, and I kicked myself for not brining a flashlight. To make a long story short I finally found my way through someones back yard, and scaled their retaining wall, digging a hole under their fence, while my sister handed me the medicines underneath it. We were in constant communication thanks to our cell phones. I think neither of us knew whether to laugh or cry at our predicament so we were laughing and screaming. I was so scared the homeowner I was behind would think I was a looter and come out and shoot me in the back with their shot gun. In all fairness I did knock on the door before proceeding through their backyard, although I didn’t knock very loudly…

In the end I did save him with my heroic deeds.

So last night, a little more than a year later, I awoke to the sounds of Mr.Good being violently ill again in the bathroom. I peeked in and his face was sheet white. He could barely stop between heaving to shake his head yes or no if a hospital visit was needed. Again I donned my jacket and mounted my steed heading towards my sister’s. Thank goodness she had ”medicines” and she answered her phone at 2 am in the morning. ”You can come get it. It’s in the fridge. I’ll be sleeping.”

I had to laugh. ”That’s usually what people do at 2 in the morning.” I said. When I came home my husband was so grateful. He looked surprised. Like I wouldn’t go to go to get him medicines from the village? He’s my one true love. So when he said “thanks” in his feeble voice, I had to laugh again. “Your welcome.” And that’s what a hero-ine does.    

It’s Saturday and you left before dawn to let off some steam in the basketball court.

By 9:30 you sauntered through the door and proceeded to make me hash-browns and eggs.

The kitchen was clean by noon today and these hands barely helped at all.

 I sat on my bed folding the laundry you washed then found you downstairs re-organizing the pantry.

I came home from a movie with sister and mom. The garage was clean and you were playing hand-ball with the kids.

There were math worksheets out on the kitchen table. Someone had been helping Buster with his homework.

Gulp.

I’m not sure how I feel about this.

Who is this new man.

What have you done with my husband?

You look the same.

You’re still quite as sweet.

You’ve always worked hard to provide for our family.

You’ve always been the best father I have ever witnessed in my life.

And now there are two loaves of bread going in the bread-makers you dug out of the heap in the garage.

Fresh bread

Organized Pantry

Clean Garage

Freshly washed clothes

My first reaction is to feel embarrassed.

Am I not good enough?

Should I feel guilty?

You never complained about the pantry before.

And then I know I need to let go.

I need to enjoy this.

It is your nature to be kind. Caring.

This is the man I married.

I guess after eight years you are a well oiled machine, you know what I need even when I don’t.

I’m still a little embarrassed.

I’m not very good at this.

How do I say thank you in a way that can really tell you how much it all means to me.

There are no words.

I hope you just know.

How much I love you.

Brittani. I hail her as the piercing guru. Seeing as she was the fastest to reply and had the most correct, she is hands down the winner. Congrats Brittani!  Please e-mail me (goodenoughblogatgmaildotcom) your address so I can send you your most coveted prize.

Answers:

rook - just above the entrance to the inner ear

snug - just down from the rook in the very center of the ear, just out from the entrance
            to the inner ear

labret - lip

monroe -it is above your lip like her mole

septum  - the cartilage between your nostrils. Like a bullring.

Very interesting. And I thought I was so punk rock in highschool when I got my bellybutton pierced.

Thanks for playing everyone!

Hey Eve,

Here’s a challenge for you:  Em has an ear infection (from her recent ear piercing) and
we went online today (of course) to see what to do for it.  We found lots of advise from
“Piercees” in our lovely blogosphere referring to the many piercings on various parts of
their bodies.  The interesting thing was, I had no idea what parts of their body they
were referring to!!  I thought you could do a contest and see how many of your readers
could match the body part with the name.

Here are the ones I came across — so crazy!!!

1.  rook
2.  snug
3.  labret
4.  monroe
5.  septum

Alright so the prize is a $20 gift certificate to Claire’s for all your piercing needs! But let’s do this on the honor system. The only rule is you cannot look up any of these online or in a book (if any of you use books anymore.) You can ask people, or simply take a guess. NO PEEKING! The person with the most correct wins. If there is a tie I will draw names.

Contest will end Saturday PST at midnight.

It was over six years ago that I held my first baby. I remember it hitting me so clearly in a way I could never comprehend before I had children…As I looked down at my beautiful baby boy the weight of the world came crashing down around my shoulders. I then realized what I had done to myself someone that I loved so deeply that I now couldn’t imagine life without him. With that realization came some fears that I had never before comprehended.

I was almost angry with myself when I realized that if some thing horrible ever happened to my son, it would be earth shattering. The thought was overwhelming. And honestly it made me rethink having anymore children.

In life there is balance in all things, and this new love that I had never felt before came new worries that as a brand new mom I almost couldn’t handle. What if he got sick? What if it was some thing terminal? What if he was kidnapped? Selfishly I wondered if it was smart of me to create some thing so precious that it would nearly kill me to have him taken away.

I’m a fatalist deep down inside, like my Grandmother. She’s been saying for the past five years that this is her last Christmas, or birthday, or it’s probably the last time she’ll get to visit with us before she passes on. Grandma is still going strong. Whether she likes it or not, she will be around for the next few great-grandchildren.

I watched a movie with my girls last night that reminded me of my little families mortality…which is really what brought about this post. I couldn’t help thinking throughout the movie what would happen to us if my husband died…my first thoughts were… “I don’t want to be out in the dating scene again!”  What would I put in my bio line? “I am now a widow with four children…will someone come swoop in and rescue us?”  That came because I’ve been searching for my little bro. And then other thoughts like, “there will never be anyone good enough to take his place.” Thinking about my husband and how absolutely perfect he is. Then my thoughts wandered to my children. I pictured all of their beautiful faces, and the pain they would hold if they ever lost their father, or me, or each-other.

I thought about mortality. With each child we bring into this family, it adds a new dimension. The love deepens. It’s a love that only parents know, we get to be in this special club with this intense emotion wrapped up in the package. I love my husband, I love him fiercely. But we would never know how intense love could be until we took that leap of faith and added a child into the mix.

I can’t help questioning my sanity sometimes as I look at my children and think about the new one coming, why did I do this to myself? I will have four precious jewels that can never be replaced and are extremely fragile. Am I crazy for adding one more into my life that will probably add more pain and worry then someone in their right mind could handle. Maybe I am. But I realize that there is balance in all things. With another child comes even more love and more joy then I can ever put into words. I know you people feel me on this one. If I let my fears of death and pain stop me from creating what I have in my life now, I would have never known such happiness. It’s so worth it.  

Do you want the good news or the bad news first?

I always like to get the bad out of the way, that way I can hopefully enjoy the lift that comes with the good news.

So here it is…

Bad news~we make too much money to receive maternity benefits.

Good news~ the kids are covered and it is retroactive to Dec 1st.

My kids have health insurance. That is a huge sigh of relief. On to the problem, how are we going to pay for this baby?

Or, does anyone know of any insurance that will take on a woman with a pre-existing condition such as pregnancy?

Let me know. Ask your friends, neighbors, and countrymen. 

I’m already afraid to go grocery shopping. Where does money go? It seems like when you have kids it disappears into an abyss. We received a substantial amount of money for Christmas from my husbands rich Grandmother. He paid our bills. The money is almost gone. Into the abyss.

I had to do it.

I had to go ahead and make the appointment.

This pregnancy needed to be officially validated, and I was tired of waiting for The State to decide if they were going to insure us or not.

Yesterday I had a very unpleasant conversation with one of the State Employees. She was extremely unhelpful and annoyed. “They expect us to be accountants.” She said. “We are not accountants. I can’t understand all these receipts.”

“Is there somewhere where we can all sit down together and go over them?” I asked.

“No. We are a virtual company. There is no office…I”m going to have to look at all this after work. I don’t have time to do it here.”

“You don’t have time to do work at work?” I asked. That goes to show you what a well-oiled machine our Human Services Department is.

So today as I lay staring up at the ceiling and trying to remember to breathe, dollar signs began flashing on the florescent lights in front of me.

One Pa*p Sme*ar…cha-ching!

We need a sample in the cup please…cha-ching!

Let’s see if we can hear a heart beat…cha-ching ching!

One Blood Sample, seven tests ordered for no good reason…cha-ching!

I found myself saying “No, we don’t need to test for any extra abnormalities. Just the basics.”

“How about HIV?”

“No, not necessary. I’ve had about 5 or 6 in my lifetime. They’re always negative.”

“How about AFP?”

“I don’t think so. I mean what can they do if it’s a positive?”

“Nothing.”

“Then no.”

“What about genetic testing.”

“That’ll be a no as well. It sounds pricey.”

But hey!  If I paid up front at the office I received a 10% discount! How’s that for good news?

No, the good news is they did find a heart beat. I love to hear that sound each time I go in. It reminds me that it’s all worth it. No one can really put a price on our baby. Though I did leave the office with a considerably lighter wallet.

Meanwhile back at the ranch I forgot that I had three children from two different families coming over for my weekly babysitting swap. 

“Uh Mr.Good? On top of getting Buster off to school and taking care of our 2 youngens, while I’m at the baby doctor’s, there will be a few additions…Zach and Zoe will be here at around 9am…Bella comes around 9:20 xoxo luv ya!”

So without going into the gory details about three years ago my little brother found himself single again.

He’s been dating but no one he really likes and there are not a plethora of women in the area to choose from. I’m proud of him for stepping out there into the wide world of women.

After him complaining to me that I’ve never set him up with anyone, I say enough is enough. So I signed him up for an on-line singles website. I spend about an hour a day scamming the site for girls that could potentially be “the one” it’s been a lot of fun, but I’ve only been looking for about a week. I’m about to take it one step further and advertise on my own sight but there are a few rules…we may sound shallow and close-minded, but that’s the way it is. The guy has a right to be picky…he’s been through enough.

His list

age  between 23-29

between 5′6 and 5′11  (he’s 6′3 and is slightly obsessed with having tall children)

beautiful

slender build

he says blond (but I’ve already swayed him on this one because there are some gorgeous brunettes out there!)

intelligent (schooling would be a plus)

comes from nice family

and if she comes from money that wouldn’t hurt.

My list

LDS and proud of it. (I don’t talk about my religion because it’s personal.)

must have a good maternal instinct.

Wants to have babies someday.

natural (meaning no orange skin and piles of make-up) 

honest

active

must have a good sense of humor

Really I’m sure we could go on an on. We are looking for a nice girl. If she’s divorced it’s alright. We are non-judgemental about that. If she comes with a child or two that might be alright as well. My brother will keep an open mind. The important thing here is that he finds someone that puts the spark back in his eye, someone that will give him something new to live for.

A little about Bro

He’s tall, with dark blond hair and blue eyes. He went to BYU-Hawaii and got his Master’s in Biochemistry and the University of Kentucky? is that the University in Lexington? Don’t quote me on the name of the school.

He is really into UFC I’m sorry to say. He knows I don’t condone that kind of sport. He has a great job and lives in the Seattle area. I’m not lying when I say he loves spending time with his nieces and nephews and they all adore him. He really wants kids of his own someday. He cooks, he cleans when his house gets dirty enough. He boxes. He snowboards and loves punk rock and hip hop. He loves to lift weights and is a great personal trainer. He has a very passionate personality as all my siblings do. My family loves to debate with one another, and sometimes we’re bad losers if it doesn’t go our way. Mellow people compliment our personalities well.

He just needs a girl who can reign him in a little.
I will say that whenever he has dated long term in the past he has been extremely kind and supportive of his significant other.

So someone out there must have a sister, cousin, friend, co-worker that will fit the bill.

Don’t be bitter if we reject some offers. That is part of the rules.

And don’t try to hook him up with anyone that is mental unstable. I think that goes without saying. Since he lives in my neighborhood, I don’t want any stalker types hanging around.

Final here is a photo for your viewing pleasure…

Sorry that’s the only picture I have close enough of his face. I don’t take many pictures of my siblings.

Here’s one at the local science center. He came with the kids and I. You can get an idea of his size.

Cute right? I’m trying to be objective.

But again, I don’t want any hate mail getting mad because our lists are exclusive. Use your best judgement as a mom, or sister or friend. If she is an amazing girl and doesn’t fit all the criteria, drop me a note. I’ll interview her. There is no harm in trying. This is supposed to be fun and I don’t want any “The Bachelor” drama on this blog!

Just a reminder to all of the peeps that read my blog and then see me at church, the grocery store, mommy and me music class…

My blog is a place where I vent. It was that way with my journal growing up. Whenever I was feeling extreme I would write. So my journal is filled with dramatics. I don’t know why I air these crazy thoughts on the world wide web but I do. Partly because it’s nice to find people that relate. Moms who relate. Then I know I’m not alone.

So when you do see me please don’t treat me so tenderly. I’m still Eve. I’m mostly light-hearted. If you ask me how I am I will tell you I’m fine.

In reality I am. I have a husband that loves me, good friends, family that is sometimes around, and my kids will survive the hours of T.V. watching and spaghetti dinners.

I did call a friend that cleans houses, blubbering on the phone to her that I couldn’t stand living in this dump for one more day. She came and cleaned. Life feels more hopeful in a clean house. Thanks Kimberly.

And I have a new distraction which will have to be another post because he deserve’s one of his own.

xo everyone. Thanks for reading even though lately I sound like an adult talking in a Charlie Brown cartoon. Wa-wha-wa-whawha-waaaa. 

Hello!?

Are you still there?

Sigh. Why is it that we forget? And forget so quickly, the torments of pregnancy.

I don’t remember feeling this sad with the last one. I was blaming the weather. I’ve never been pregnant in the Northwest.

My husband assures me that indeed I was this emotional, this exhausted with the last one.

“Yes you cried just as often.” He told me. “Yes you were this tired.”

“I know I was this tired.” I snapped. “But really? Did I feel this hopeless?”

“Yes.”

Why do we forget how it was? I’ve been freaking out. I know all about PPD. But what about PD. Partum Depression. I’m much happier after I get the baby out of my womb and into my arms. I know I shouldn’t even complain. It’s not like I’m puking. Some poor women are throwing up their entire pregnancies. Some have back problems. Some get carpal tunnel and can’t sleep at night because of bad circulation. Some are confined to bed rest. Some have fertility problems and just getting pregnant is a struggle. Then there are those that must find their children through adoption.

I’m pregnant.

Why am I hating this so much.

I guess anything as wonderful as a child takes sacrifice.

My children bring me so much joy, I can’t even put into words how blessed I am and how excited I am to add another to my rockin’ family. That’s what I’m clinging too.

Because I’m so sad, tired and pathetic right now.