Nov 1st, 2007
Schooled again…
I sit here, eating bite sized Twix bars and fighting back tears. Sure, I jest of having a personal relationship with Buster’s teacher because I get a weekly phone call home…but it’s beginning to get old. I don’t want to have this kind of relationship with his teacher.
I feel completely helpless. It goes beyond embarassment too hear my child is pushing kids in line and talking back to the teacher. This is my first born. My test subject, if you will. I hurt because he is struggling in school. Academically he is fine. He is intelligent. He is learning to read. He is doing well on his spelling tests. I’d say after helping out in class that he is slightly above average for a boy his age, which is exactly where I would want him to be. But he is having a hard time paying attention, listening to directions the first time around, and he’s not being respectful to his teacher…These are things we work on at home. We work on respect…we work on it every day. He never follows my directions the first time around. Or the second. But how can I help him at school when he’s away and it’s even more crucial for him to get this right?
I feel like the respect issue, and keeping his hands to himself are clear cut problems that Mr.Good and I can easily address. What really has me worried is how to get him out of his own head…how can I help him daydream a little less, so that at the very least he can hear his teacher when she says it’s time to get ready to go?
I feel for his teacher, I realize she has 21 other students to help. I don’t want my child to be the problem student. I love Buster. I want him to do well and reach his potential.
I didn’t see this coming at such an early stage in his academic career.
Advice is welcome and sought after regarding this conundrum.
Good Enough
Oh, man. He’s such a good boy. Just remember that. He is a good boy and everyone loves him. I bet his teacher adores him too.
My first thought is to have him tested for all the ADD/ADHD stuff just because you can rule out whether or not it is chemical or not. I don’t claim to know very much about this–but I have a close friend who’s son has it (he is 13) and let me tell you, when he doesn’t take his meds he CAN NOT follow simple directions, NOT control his emotions etc. I know that medication is a hot topic and I’m not advocating it, I just know that this boy is an otherwise wonderful child and not what you would consider “hyper” his brain just CAN NOT focus long enough to follow through in school, or turn in work etc. But with the meds he is an almost straight A student.
Ok, this is coming from a girl who had similar problems in school….even at the young age of 5 I slapped a girl within the first couple weeks of school. Also…I always had issues with paying attention even in my first 2 years of collage. You can help him with his anger issue by maybe getting him involved in boxing or something…he has the ultimate our side of the family anger issue! It is something my roomy has suffered from…our father suffered from…our gpa suffered from! So dont blame yourself as a mother…remember the age old question Nature vs Nurture??? Well alot of it is Nature…and you know that, because we had great parents…and we all screwed up! You will get thru this girlie!!!! you have great kids!
P.S. I had a blast TorT with them last night!!! so much fun
I sometimes think that teachers zone in on some kids. My friend has a kid that one year had a teacher that pounced, she could never figure it out and the next year there was no issue… I don’t know but I hope it gets worked out for you.
I’m sorry Buster is struggling :S Would the teacher be willing to send a notebook home each night? You could write things in it about his morning or the night before… such as a lack of sleep or wouldn’t eat breakfast… things that might be clues for her to watch for. And in return, she could write how he did during the day. That way you can approach specific issues and really praise the things he does well. I know it’s more work for you and the teacher, but if it works….
Good luck! I have to go fight with my oldest about doing homework… school is so much fun.
I totally relate to that feeling all mixed up with fear and love and some disappointment. I have a child who spaces out and misses crucial info at school–he knows he does it and knows it’s a problem but doesn’t know how to stop. I chalk it up to his bright and contemplative mind. I think some years his maturity level isn’t in synch with everybody else in his class.
Anyway, at one low point in 4th grade I asked his teacher to identify one specific area to work on and make a chart. I was tired of her negative attitude with him and wanted to do something more productive. Each day she marked off how well he did in that area (I think it was chanting spelling words aloud, which he usually zoned on), and she sent the chart home with him so I could follow up. I always hate asking teachers to do stuff like that since it’s so time consuming, but I figure better to spend their time on something proactive rather than always having to nag and reprimand.
So maybe a chart with days (or hours!) he keeps his hands to himself and a positive consequence (extra TV show, doughnuts with mom, no chores for a day) if he makes it through a certain amount of time.
OK, I can totally feel your stress. I’m terrified that someone will find my son to be a burden and not spectacular like I think he is.
So, disregard any of the following if you already do any of these things. I’ll bullet point for ease of read (I’m a teacher too, I’d try all these things before we jump to ADD/ADHD testing):
-Put him down earlier for bed. (10-12 hours of sleep)
-Feed him a higher fiber breakfast, less sugar (less of a high in the AM and less of a low mid morning/afternoon)
-Spend one on one time with your son, without your other kids doing something ’special, for just the two of you’ (your husband could do this too)-
-Purposely praise him on the things he’s doing well
-Brag about him to other adults (when you know he’s secretly listening)
Who knows, maybe some of these things will shift him out of the rut he’s finding himself in at school
Good luck!
Look at me. I was much worse and I turned out fine! Just do the best you can and hope that the teachers are resiliant. Is it his fault that he has a wicked haymaker? School is boring for us geniuses so we have to have fun in other ways.
Oh and in my proffesional medical opinion he does not have any chemical imbalances, I spend plenty of time with him and know that is not the problem.
All I can tell you is that you are not alone. I think it’s the schools reaction to make us think it’s only our child who is the trouble maker. When they are far from it, from what I’ve witnessed.
My child is also being labeled, told that he can’t sit still, acting out, etc. They are NORMAL boys who have energy and they better get use to it because that’s just the way they are. Since the principal knew what kind of kids we have, shouldn’t she have given us the teacher that could have put the smack down? No, we got the class with you know who, and diffently not that teacher that everyone wanted.
We have been faced with testing all ready in the school year. Testing from ADD, ADHD, Hyperactivity, etc. And you know what? Nothing has come back that he has it! ONCE again!
We get a progress report sent home everyday, not that it helps. But, he is slowly doing better. Not huge leaps. I have been called almost every week of school, and one day even had to go to the Principal’s office.
But, you know it’s a school of distinction……………..