Good Enough

I thought I knew it all when I carried you inside my belly.  I had such romantic notions of motherhood. I knew it would be perfect, that you would be perfect. We’d be this happy little family that the world would envy.

I think you decided to give me a reality check.

You were born 9′15lbs and came out screaming. I never heard the sweet cry of a newborn with you. I guess being the size of a 3 month old you had lungs to match.  I had to share a room in the hospital. I was so flustered trying to calm you down when you screamed.

It didn’t stop for the next 8 months of your life. No one wanted to hold you, or babysit.  You never smiled. It was my personal goal to get you to smile at least once a day.

Then you learned to walk, and you were happy. It was a strange thing to see, this little 8 month old, walking around with his arms in the air for balance. It was then I realized you just wanted independence.

I love how you’ve grown.  I try to remind you of the “good old days” when it was just you and me. For 2 1/2 years you had my undivided attention.

We went on outings almost every day. I was so worried about your mental stimulation. I thought we had to be learning together every moment.  It’s nice to be more relaxed about parenting now.  

We had Disneyland passes, but you were scared of almost every ride. You only allowed us to go on the Teacups, the Merry-go-round, and It’s a Small World. But even that last one freaked you out sometimes.

You were such a sensitive little boy. We had to be extremely careful with the movies you watched or you would have nightmares for months. You hated “Finding Nemo” because he was separated from his dad for so long. I couldn’t get you to watch it to see the happy ending till you were 4 years old.

You started school this year,  and we have had some surprises. Let’s just say you’ve gotten into some scraps. We’ve used them as “learning tools.” And I’m crossing my fingers that I don’t get any e-mails or calls from transportation anymore.  

Now you’re 6. I have a 6 year old.  I can’t believe it! But I’m so excited. You are of the age where you appreciate the finer moments in life. You can enjoy the sunsets with your Dad and I. You remark on the beauty of you surroundings. We can stay out late at baseball games. Camping is fun with you along. And I can have some really amazing conversations with you, and you get it. I love to watch you grow.

I’m so glad I had you first. You truly are the sweetest big brother. You have moments where I remember that you are just 6, but most of the time I have this little man around the house. You love to make your siblings laugh, and you love to play with them. You especially like it when they ask you for help. “Biggest Brother”  suits you very well indeed.  I can’t imagine it any different and I know that you will have a divine purpose in this life. You are a special spirit.

 My hopes for you this year are that you will continue to excel in school, and church, as you have been.  That you develope your talents, and make quality friends, snd that you will continue to learn how important you are in our home.  We love you SO much. 

I want you to be proud of me too. I will always try to be the mom you deserve.

Happy Birthday Buster, you are an original! 

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