Apr 6th, 2007
Sugar and Spice
Hello again, my site is under construction, hopefully there will be some other nice changes coming soon.
Something happened today that shocked me at first. I’ve been living in this little bubble, a boy bubble, as I see it. My oldest is only 5 and is male…many of my friends have girls his age, and they play together nicely. He’s always unaffected by the little girl drama that is going on around him. Occasionally he’ll ask me about their behaviour, and I try to explain the mystery that is womanhood. He tries to understand. And I try to help him understand that he’ll never fully understand. :)
He also has little boy friends who he plays with. He plays with them like little boys do, and occasionally he gets into squirmishes but you know, “boy wills be boys.” There is comfort in that for me. I’ve seen how girls play first hand, and I have to say that I’m scared for my daughter. She has been raised in a boy bubble. In her three years on this earth her world has been big brother, little brother, and big brother’s friends. It’s really fun to watch her try and keep up with them. I think she can hold her own. She understands Power Rangers, but of course she always gets to play the Pink Ranger. She’s the hugest Star Wars fan. I didn’t know she even understood Star Wars, but I recently unpacked The Trilogy (IV, V, and VI) put one on for the kids, and there she was, cheering when Chewbacca appeared, and calling Ben Kenobi Obe One. I was amazed and secretly I cheered.
She has recently been playing with some girls her age. I will not name names, but she has been introduced to the world of necklaces and purses. She has lately been requesting that her brother be the “keen” and she be the princess. I have tried to avoid all things “princess” for three years. But the one thing I’ve been dreading the most in girl world, it happened today in my own home.
I was watching my friend’s little girl, Sara. She, Missy, and Buster were playing quite nicely. Then I heard the dreaded words “You’re not my friend anymore.” I realized this was Sara talking at my daughter. And then she took it further…”Only Nancy and Sasha are my friends. You’re not my friend.”
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
NO! Those words are not allowed in my house! I have seen this drama on the playground between familiar groups of girls. I’ve pitied the mothers who have to sort it all out. I honestly don’t want my daughter to learn that behaviour.
And I had forgotten. Maybe I pushed it all out of my mind. But in that moment when I heard those words it brought it all back. This is what girls do to each-other. We are manipulative creatures! And someday in the very near future my daughter will approach me, devastated. Not because of a boy, but because a girl, a friend, no less, has BROKEN her heart and decided that she is no longer her friend!
She didn’t even get it today! Those words has no meaning, no impact on her! She doesn’t know they were meant to hurt her. That’s how I would love to keep it. I would much rather her suffer a bump on the head or bruise on the shin from a lite saber gone awry then those daggers a young miss could throw at her.
And I know the best that I can do is give her self-esteem so the words can deflect a little better, and I pray that she’s more of a leader that includes everyone in her games…
But for now, I think I’ll stick to boy play-dates!
Good Enough
At least she’s got the brothers to back her up. My boys looooove their sister. And just remember that you turned out OK. Just try to teach her to be nice, even when her friends aren’t.
Just found your blog–you are a great story-teller! I look forward to reading more!
Eve,
Boys make better friends at that age anyway. I too share your fear about girls and friends. I remember how mean little girls can be. I just have to say it’s nice to finally met another Star Wars Fan that’s a mother.
Girls can really suck. She is lucky that she has an older brother… it will keep her tough!
Even so, it’s never easy for a mother to see her daughter being rejected. Incidentally, you should read my mother’s post on our Pinks & Blues Girls blog, as it has to do exactly with this type of thing! (pinksandbluesgirls.wordpress.com)
Eve - I have two boys and a girl too… and I have a lot of the same worries for her :S Someday I hope that she will be a happy well rounded person that doesn’t fall into the traps of being mean spirited. :S I know that on occasion, I did
By the way, I tagged you on my blog 
I think she will be alright. The fact that she has brothers who have taught her to be tough will strengthen her against the evils of girls. You don’t have to protect her. Just be a good mum and that will help her to understand that women can be wonderful. Even if it is only adult females, exposing her to women who are kind and caring will teach her to be the same, and perhaps have hope for the girls of her own generation. Knowing the child in question I think she is a pretty tough cookie and will be doing the heart-breaking not getting her’s broken.
E- YES I REMEMBER YOU! In fact I think you were substituting in primary the day I brought the squirt bottle full of lemonade to squirt in the kids’ mouths.
Ok about the girl drama…I am afraid of that too! I have two little boys and am now pregnant with #3 (only 11 weeks along) and have always felt a little scared to have a girl because of the emotions and cattiness and drama. But, another part of me would love to have a girl to do fun girly things with (keep in mind I am in NO way shape or form “girly”) but because I too live in a “boy bubble” it would be nice to have someone like me around. I liked what someone else said about exposing her to good, kind, considerate females and teach her to believe in herself no matter what other people say or do.
I look forward to reading more from you! It will be a nice way to get to know you better!